what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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