i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
