Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
