At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
