It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
