I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
