508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
