I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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