using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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