new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
