I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
