started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
