I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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