look no pants
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I look better un-naked...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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