I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
