You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
