Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
