Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
