I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
