OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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