you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
