how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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