Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
