next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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