i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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