Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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