There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
