wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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