my phone needs a breathalizer
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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