I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
