I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
well you can't waste a boner
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
