If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
