Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
