hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
