I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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