Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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