dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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