Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
