Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
