walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
