You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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