I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
