i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
