How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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