sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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