then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
