worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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