I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
