i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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