I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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