whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
