I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
