I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
