Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
