It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
