we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
