I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
