is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
