I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
