I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just googled if crying burns calories
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
