I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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