Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
