Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
this beer tastes like vomit already
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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