And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Success! We fucked roommates!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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